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Post by EbonyPatriot on May 9, 2011 15:38:42 GMT -5
“Let this road be mine Let it lead to my past And bring me home At last” Greetings everyone,
First off, I apologize for being A.W.O.L. for so many years. I never stopped thinking about or indeed, missing you guys though.
Perhaps you remember me; perhaps not. I was a member of these boards from October 2004 to November of 2008.
Why did I leave? No, I wasn’t angry with people at the boards. It was a combination of time, family, and depression . For a while, I had had less time to get on the boards. Life has gotten pretty hard for me, work was more demanding, I’ve had a lot of family issues and, as if that wasn’t bad enough, I had a pretty bad bout of depression for the past few years.
In addition tot his and my depression, my workload has increased. I would try for a while to log on and comment, but I always ran out of time before I could post or reply.
So I had decided to stay away from the boards until I would have the full time to post. That time has still yet to come, but I don’t want to stay away longer.
I do have some time, but not the same time as before.
As for me, well, I’m still pretty much the same old EbonyPatriot. Same likes and dislikes, same addictions to Disney and animals and books, hopefully better writing, same religious beliefs, hopefully better drawing, sadly, still the same sense of humor; give or take a few fandoms (sadly, I don’t care for the Ratha, Dave Barry, Star Trek or David Clement-Davies anymore- with any luck, maybe I’ll eventually get to like them again) (and the new ones, in case you were wondering, are Pokemon, Digimon, and some miscellaneous authors I’ll post later) plus a heavy addiction to Albert Payson Terhune and others.
That said, I don’t have the same time as I did before, so:
On the subject of PMs As those of you whom I used to PM with know (well, basicially, Night Bear and the occasional Ken’ichi and Truttle), I had gotten pretty bad at PMing towards the end. I still feel bad about that. I’m afraid that times haven’t changed much and so I’ll have to ask all people to hold off on PMs. That way I can focus on board posts, which have the advantage that I can quickly glance at them without logging in and being thinking of my reply before posting; PMs I would have to log on for, have to spend more time on, and feel bad about when I can’t reply. So if you guys don't mind, I'd rather wait until I know I can spend more time on PMs to accept them again. I’ll let you know when I can accept PMs again; hopefully we’ll be able to talk again soon. Until then, I thank you for your kindness in indulging in this eccentric wish of mine. ^^’
Board posts on the other hand, like I said, I can glance at on the run and be formulating my reply to while I’m working offline. I have high hopes at being able to post on the board, perhaps even roleplay (but that’ll be another topic).
Enough about me. Again, I apologize for making you guys worry so- I had hoped to get back sooner and when that wasn’t possible had hoped to wait until I could spend the full time back on. In retrospective, I really should have done some quick “I’m alive” posts; again, I apologize.
Can you forgive me? Will you accept me back, in spite of what I’ve done and my incomplete return? I hope so- I’ve missed you all.
Thanks, EbonyPatriot
“I don’t have to be the best-I just want to be your friend again…”
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Post by Blaise Zebrataur on May 9, 2011 19:18:31 GMT -5
Wow well EbonyPatriot I don't know what to say.I wasn't really a friend of yours I don't think but it nice to see you post on here again.
I think that others will forgive you,I know I would.
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Post by Night Bear on May 9, 2011 19:51:02 GMT -5
Oh okay. wb
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Post by Ken'ichi on May 9, 2011 19:54:13 GMT -5
Holy crap, EP!!! *Bearhug* Oh man, it's been so long since I last heard anything from you. I've been worried that something might've happened to you during all these years.
Going through your post, I'm very sorry that you've been through so much, especially a bout of depression as you said. Those are never easy to get through and can be quite nasty. But I'm glad to see you're still around and marching forward.
You're always welcome here with open arms, my friend. It's good to see you back and around.
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Post by Truttle on May 9, 2011 20:46:58 GMT -5
There are things we do in life that we later regret. We make mistakes and do wrongs and hurt those we love all without full intentions, sometimes perhaps. But if I weren't capable of that myself then I wouldn't be worthy forgiving those myself. You're a part of our family and you always will be EP.
I'll say that I worried and never forgot you for all these years, but the biggest joy that removes all that is to see you're okay. I'm so happy to see you again EP! Thank you so much for returning. If you need to take your time then go ahead. I understand what you're going through. Depression hurts so much. We're here for you my brother Troodon.
PS, I know it might take a while for things to return to normal around here. Just give it some time, it's just been a big shock and relief to see you return. I'm sure everyone will slowly forgive you.
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Post by EbonyPatriot on May 9, 2011 21:25:55 GMT -5
Ah thanks everybody- I was afraid you wouldn’t want me back. I’ve missed all of you guys and sorry I caused everybody to worry so much. I feel horrible about that. Heh, at least there’s a good side to it; I have quite a few posts saved to my computer ready to go. Oreius- Ah thanks. I don’t think we really talked before, though I do remember you from before. ^^ Thanks for the welcome. Night Bear- Thanks! ^^ It’s awesome seeing you again. Ken’ichi- Aww thanks Ken’ichi! ^^ Aw I’m sorry I made you guys worry- I’ve missed you guys. It feels great to be back at the boards. Truttle- Aww thanks Truttle. I’ve really missed you too. It’s so good to be back, and the see the board’s just as nice (if a little quieter, not that I have any right to complain about though, heh ^^’) as before! Thank you all! Hopefully things will improve so I can PM again- I’ll let you know when I can. Until then, thanks again for your kindness and in the welcome- it means a lot to me. It's good to be home.
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Post by Epesi on May 9, 2011 21:49:04 GMT -5
I can't tell you how glad I am to see you back here, EP. I've really missed you, and I was also worried that something might have happened to you. I'm sorry to hear about the troubles you've faced, but I'm glad you're okay. I've been going through a long spell of depression myself, so I understand how hard that is. I don't think you have anything to be sorry for, and there's nothing to be forgiven. It's wonderful to hear from you again. This place wasn't quite the same without you.
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Post by Night Bear on May 9, 2011 21:54:32 GMT -5
If my post initially came off as a bit cold compared to the others, well there's a reason. I'll explain.
Over the past couple years, I've grown rather...miffed at you, EP, for disappearing like that. I've even had dreams of you returning, only to wake up and realize it was just a dream. Part of me wonders if this is just another one of those dreams. Part of me expects to wake up soon and realize this was just another dream.
When you first disappeared I thought "Oh okay, he'll be back soon." I think your last disappearance was about a year at least..I don't recall. Anyway, I did wait for you to return. But as time went on, I grew less and less excited and eventually came to accept that you may never come back. As the years went by, I just came to believe that you were gone for good.
I did notice that, once in a while, you did come back, around November 2008 I think. But after that, nothing. You never bothered to say "sorry guys I'm having some problems so I'm going to stay away from the boards for a while", at least not to my knowledge. No, you just up and left one day. And things got a bit strange when I found out that your FF.Net was stripped of its stories, suggesting that you were planning to leave the internet altogether. I checked your DA account and not even there did you say anything. You left me and everyone else in the dark. The least you could have done was just say you'll be gone for a while. Even a few update posts would have been fine. You need not have been detailed, just a "hey guys I'm fine, still having problems" kind of post.
And on top of that, I was worried. The longer you were away from the board, the more I started thinking that something bad happened to you. A few times, I even thought the worst and that you had died somehow.
I'm not sure about anyone else here, but with me, your disappearance runs deeper than that. My last PM to you when you were still active was a bit..angry. With the way I worded it, it sounded like I was mad at you and I didn't realize it until later. I was mad at my internet, actually, because it was horridly slow. It was after this that you disappeared.
I thought I was responsible, or at least partly responsible, for you leaving. I thought I had hurt you so badly that you just wanted to leave. And I felt horrible and even wrote an apology, but at this point I wasn't even sure if you'd get it. Your e-mail account, far as I know, was closed down or inactive. You left me believing that I had drove you away. And now you return and I learn that I wasn't responsible and that it was personal problems instead that kept you away. Needless to say, this adds to my "miffed" feeling.
When I saw that you had returned, at first I was excited, namely because I hadn't seen a sign of you in so long...3 years about I think. But it quickly faded and was replaced with more..negative feelings as I remembered what I had been through. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I think out of everyone here, I was the most hurt by your leaving without really explaining or saying a word.
Sad to say, I'm not really ready to forgive you just yet. I hope you understand why I feel like this. I just need some time. Perhaps a good night's sleep will be good. It'd still be nice to start really talking to you again. I did miss you.
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Post by EbonyPatriot on May 9, 2011 22:20:27 GMT -5
*Winces*
I actually had considered leaving completely. Life was very miserable for me then. (Although I took down my stories from issues with the site).
I do remember that reply and was surprised to find today that you thought it was your fault. Oh Night Bear, I wasn’t upset with you and didn’t think you were mad; it made feel worse about not posting, like I was letting you down. That’s when I decided that I would cut off from the internet completely until I could return with the same time as before.
As I said, in retrospective I should’ve done quick “I’m alive” posts. I don’t remember why didn’t; I do apologize for that and feel horrible at making you worry. I had thought that I had specified more on my last post and din't realize until today that I hadn't.
Again I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you and feel awful that I did. I'm so so sorry, Night Bear.
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Post by Blaise Zebrataur on May 9, 2011 23:06:24 GMT -5
Yeah I think I remember you alittle bit EbonyPatriot.I hope your life does get better and could be on more often.
I just think everyone here is glad to see you return and know your stil alive.
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Post by Night Bear on May 10, 2011 7:20:04 GMT -5
I understand if you were having personal problems. Life sucks sometimes. It happens to everyone at some point. All I wanted was at least one post telling us you were leaving for a while due to problems and that you weren't sure when you were coming back, if at all. At least this would have told us what happened to you and I would have felt less inclined to believe I had something to do with it. I admit, I didn't believe it was me at first. I thought you were just busy. No, the feeling I did something wrong accumulated overtime as I continued to hear no word from you. Sometimes I believe I was wrong and overreacting and that something else was keeping you away. But with no other leads, no other explanations, and the timing (you disappearing after I had sent that one PM), I began to feel guilty about what I said and had believed for years that I was the one who drove you away. It may take me a while to fully recover from how I was feeling. It's kinda hard to recover quickly when I've been feeling this way for years, not just a few days or so. Part of me, I admit, still expects you to leave at any second without saying a word again. This feeling comes mostly from seeing that you were on the board a few times, each time thinking "oh is he going to post?" but each time you just leaving without saying anything. I guess I just got used to it. As I said, it would be nice to start talking to you again. There had been changes in my life (like probably moving out on my own soon). There were things I wanted to tell you (such as the new Guardians of Ga'hoole movie). I'm sorry if I made you feel upset with my last post. Originally I wasn't going to post it, but eventually decided that I should get it off my chest and let you know how I've been effected by your leaving. To lighten the mood a bit, I'll post a link to a recent picture of my alimons. I don't think you have seen their new look yet. www.deviantart.com/download/198864968/alimon_merchant_by_bluedramon-d3aed6w.png
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Post by EbonyPatriot on May 10, 2011 15:10:15 GMT -5
Oops, forget to thank Epesi. Sorry about that. ^^”
Thank you all! Hopefully things will improve so I can PM again- I’ll let you know when I can. Until then, thanks again for your kindness and in the welcome.
Aww thanks Epesi- it feels so good to be missed. ^^ I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had a hard time too- it’s a miserable feeling.
It’s so good to be back with everyone; it’s been so hard to be away.
Oreius- Ah thanks Oreius. ^^ It’s good to see everyone too.
I’ll admit, that post did hurt a bit-, which really is my fault, since you were just saying your feelings. Like I said, I am sorry for what I’ve done and still feel bad about hurting you.
I was so tired all the time, even when I had time all I had to do was sleep. I’ve really fallen behind on my artwork, with only my books able to keep (since I can throw those into my book bag and read during the brief time I had off), but even that was way below my normal level- it started taking me weeks to finish one book. I think the depression was triggered by that (er, the workload, not the no being able to read), though it didn’t help that we had more problems with my grandfather.
I dreamt about this place a couple of times too. My latest dream the board was blue and huge, with a forum for a bunch of different subject and list of mods I hadn’t even heard of. ^^’
Heh, I have that Guardians of Ga’Hoole movie. When I came out I was like “…Night Bear.”
I glanced over the DA accounts yesterday. Truttle, Ken’ichi’s, Mohegan’s, yours and Epesi’s art rocks. I read how you said that an Alimon’s expression would be opposite of ours. That’d be interesting to how that would react with an intruder.
(Er that said, I don’t know if I’ll be back to DA. Time and again, issues with the site. So I’d really appreciate it if one of you guys could note the watchers asking were I was (I think just Phantom and Shadowdhusky) and let them know that I’m okay but just won’t be back for a while, I’d appreciate it ^^”).
I have planned on reposting the “Cradle” fic over here, and updating that after I’ve read through the fics again and have a good hold on the characters again. ^^
I also recently revamped my characters, giving them all parents, full revamped backstories, voices, better character and in the case of the troodons, thunderbirds, cave bear, Vispilio’s Dracovol, and cave lions, working out their genetics. Did you know I had completely forgotten about Charcoal and Blaze? ^^” It was like “ahh great what I am going to do for Fire’s parents…oh wait.” All I need to do is proofread it (since most of it was typed in a rush) and add the copyrights,
It’s good to be home. I missed you guys all. ^^
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Post by Night Bear on May 10, 2011 16:10:23 GMT -5
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Post by EbonyPatriot on May 11, 2011 23:44:53 GMT -5
Eep sorry for the late reply- I was working on my character profiles. (Finally finished them! ^^) Neat! I’ll have to check it out. Heh, it so weird to have music videos for the series- it’s been so long of it being just the books. ^^” I remember you talking about that one. That’s awesome that he likes your art for it. I like it when authors appreciate their fans. I think I’m missing one of the Dino Squad DVDs- I’ll have to check to see which ones I have. ^^
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Post by Night Bear on May 12, 2011 7:50:36 GMT -5
Speaking of Dino Squad, in case you haven't seen it, in the series finale (far as I know it's the series finale) Moynihan FINALLY transforms. I remember being so excited about it. I would have told you but you had already become inactive on the boards by the time this happened, so I couldn't tell you. ^^; Still it was so cool to see Moynihan go raptor for the first, and only time, in the series. (wait..I think I did tell you ^^; ) Oh and my Dino Squad fanfic, Scars, is complete. You can read it on the DS site I have up. www.freewebs.com/dinosquad22/index.htmI have started a new fanfic sometime ago called Shadows. In it, the Dino Squad and Raptor Dyne (rather, the survivors) join forces when they're attacked by the Darkarians. The Rock Rangers show up to offer assistance. At the moment, the Darkarians have claimed Raptor Dyne, killing almost everyone there. There are a couple in the alimons of this story. First off, alimons from different ages (such as Paradox and Fire) are now alive at the same time, including alimons that should be dead. The second difference, they have the ability to transform into humans as disguises, much like Victor and Moynihan. Third, they have technology such as weapons and armor and even ways to store data. And the final difference, Fire wasn't the one who created the Darkarians; rather it was Blizzard, and it's Blizzard who is in charge of the Darkarians, believing that a calmer more calculating mind was best suited to run the pack (well I should say he's the highest ranking of the counsel because the Darkarians have multiple leaders actually). The Rock Ranger pack has only one leader by comparison and it's still Stone. One idea I used that I like is that he and Moynihan are old friends, but she didn't know he was an alimon until recently.
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