Post by Krystedez "Spectrum" on Jan 14, 2009 20:46:06 GMT -5
Hello everyone.
I'm not too certain if not everyone here knows me or heard of me or remembers me for that matter. My name's Spectrum. I along with Ken'ichi manage (or used to for my part) the AAAB forums and I'm it's founder.
I just wanted to let everyone know that I had a loss in my immediate family just last year during my winter break from high school. My mother of 51 years of age died suddenly Saturday morning on the 20th of December, 2008.
To be quite honest with you, if you ever ask, I am not okay. I feel as though my world is a giant hole, like a comet has driven itself through my thought processes, and all that is left is the tearings and pieces of the recesses of my mind. I feel alone, distraught, depressed, angry, torn apart, melancholy, destroyed... the ... list goes on. I mean, I'm 18. Ready to graduate. Go to college. And I had a beautiful, loving, giving, wonderful mother who raised me since birth with my father all 18 years... It's impossible to describe these feelings of loss, but I'm trying really hard to keep maintaining.
But, I want you to all know that I have a lot of support. I am NOT alone. My father is here with me, and we're closer now than we ever have been before. We take care of each other.
All I can do is remember that my mom is no longer suffering. I had been there with her that morning, trying to ease her ailing symptoms and caring for her. She refused to go to the hospital, call a doctor, or anything, and had been sick for 3 days...
If I go into more detail on the matter, I will begin to lose grip on what I'm doing right now. All I can tell you is that they rushed her to the hospital; she did not die at my home. I... I had performed CPR on her, just chest compressions... Her mouth was tightly shut because of the swelling of her tounge and the bleeding.
...Um..
I ... really can't go into it anymore than that...
Just... know that... I'm still alive. I'm here. I still remember you guys here at AAAB. I'm just in a lot of stuff right now... I mean... I think I basically watched my mother die in front of me because of something that could have been prevented... And you cannot imagine how much guilt and sadness I'm feeling...
All those times I could have spent more with her... listened to her... loved her more... yet she still never asked for anything and never complained... God...
...When things get better, and I feel more comfortable talking about this, I'll explain more. My mother was a saint. I wish... Nevermind. I'm just going to continue going like this forever I don't stop now.
Well... Thanks for your support and thoughts... I just have to get through this. I will.
That's...really all I can say at this point...
BTW... I may still be able to do something on gettin' the emots back and stuff. I promised I would. I just... gotta do it as soon as time allows.
I'm not too certain if not everyone here knows me or heard of me or remembers me for that matter. My name's Spectrum. I along with Ken'ichi manage (or used to for my part) the AAAB forums and I'm it's founder.
I just wanted to let everyone know that I had a loss in my immediate family just last year during my winter break from high school. My mother of 51 years of age died suddenly Saturday morning on the 20th of December, 2008.
To be quite honest with you, if you ever ask, I am not okay. I feel as though my world is a giant hole, like a comet has driven itself through my thought processes, and all that is left is the tearings and pieces of the recesses of my mind. I feel alone, distraught, depressed, angry, torn apart, melancholy, destroyed... the ... list goes on. I mean, I'm 18. Ready to graduate. Go to college. And I had a beautiful, loving, giving, wonderful mother who raised me since birth with my father all 18 years... It's impossible to describe these feelings of loss, but I'm trying really hard to keep maintaining.
But, I want you to all know that I have a lot of support. I am NOT alone. My father is here with me, and we're closer now than we ever have been before. We take care of each other.
All I can do is remember that my mom is no longer suffering. I had been there with her that morning, trying to ease her ailing symptoms and caring for her. She refused to go to the hospital, call a doctor, or anything, and had been sick for 3 days...
If I go into more detail on the matter, I will begin to lose grip on what I'm doing right now. All I can tell you is that they rushed her to the hospital; she did not die at my home. I... I had performed CPR on her, just chest compressions... Her mouth was tightly shut because of the swelling of her tounge and the bleeding.
...Um..
I ... really can't go into it anymore than that...
Just... know that... I'm still alive. I'm here. I still remember you guys here at AAAB. I'm just in a lot of stuff right now... I mean... I think I basically watched my mother die in front of me because of something that could have been prevented... And you cannot imagine how much guilt and sadness I'm feeling...
All those times I could have spent more with her... listened to her... loved her more... yet she still never asked for anything and never complained... God...
...When things get better, and I feel more comfortable talking about this, I'll explain more. My mother was a saint. I wish... Nevermind. I'm just going to continue going like this forever I don't stop now.
Well... Thanks for your support and thoughts... I just have to get through this. I will.
That's...really all I can say at this point...
BTW... I may still be able to do something on gettin' the emots back and stuff. I promised I would. I just... gotta do it as soon as time allows.
